When I first adopted my dog Scout, I did all the things to help her become a social butterfly. I took her to dog parks to socialize, but she ended up just wanting to go sniff areas far away from the other dogs. A few times it got a little tense. What was my dog trying to tell me? Did she need some help making friends? I took her to a dog training school – three of them actually. She can sit, stay, and lay down like a boss, but she gained zero interest in other pups.
I Was Determined Not to Give Up on My Dog
I put this enormous amount of pressure on her to be out and about. If she had enough good experiences, she would love it, right? I brought her to every family gathering, patio bar, or outdoor restaurant. She would hide under the table and avoid other dogs. People would want to pet her, and I would awkwardly let them know she wasn’t into it. I became hyper-vigilant about keeping people and other dogs away from her in an attempt to give her this secluded yet very public restaurant experience.
You Can’t Hear If You Don’t Listen
Bringing her along was stressful. I came prepared with kongs and other ways to distract her, but it was impossible to pay attention to any conversations with my friends while also keeping an eye on Scout. I was exhausted trying to be present in both worlds.
One day my friend, Coral, said, “I think she would rather be at home. You feel bad about leaving her, but I think she would be grateful to be alone and not have to deal with all of this.”
She was a 100% right.
It’s Okay to Stay Home
Um…yeah. What was I thinking? She wasn’t one of those dogs with separation anxiety. She was fine when I left the house. She was safely relaxing like a queen in her deluxe dog bed. I was the one with separation anxiety. I wanted to take the one thing that provided me with the most comfort, with me to all of these social events.
We Can’t All Be Comfort Dogs
I had just moved to a new city, and I was putting myself in all of these new social situations to meet people. Even meeting new friends felt like a painful eharmony moment. (This pre-dates tinder by a few years). The only relief I felt was when I was home relaxing with Scout. I was putting my pup through all of this stress, so I felt more comfortable. My dog was trying to tell me, but I couldn’t hear her quiet body language. The more times I ignored her, the louder her actions got and I ended up putting her and the people around me at risk.
So the next time I headed out to brunch, I let Scout stay peacefully in her own surroundings. She was happier and I could now relax and enjoy all the awkward moments of making new friends in your late 30’s by myself.
On a nice sunny day, you can find a zillion dogs at bars and restaurants. The waiters give them bowls of water and everyone seems a little happier with the dogs around. For the pups that love being out and about, it’s wonderful to have them with us and for the ones like Scout who react to every dog or hide under the table, WE HEAR YOU. You have permission to stay home.
Stay tuned. Scout’s story doesn’t end here. Subscribe to hear how she ends us with two K-9 besties.
